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NFL Draft Profile: Buffaloes Blogger/7th Grade QB Sam Metivier

An anonymous GM’s take on the Buffaloes senior.

Colorado v Colorado State Photo by Joe Mahoney/Getty Images

This week, we have written scouting reports for Evan Worthington, Drew Lewis and Juwann Winfree. All three seniors are potential late-round picks who are lauded for skill sets that can translate into the NFL given the right situation. We got a hold of an anonymous NFL general manager and could have asked him about any of those three prospects, but we instead asked him scout Sam Metivier, the graduating blogger from Ralphie Report dot com.


“There isn’t much tape on Sam Metivier, considering he last played organized football in 7th grade. His team went 0-7 that year and 0-6-1 the year before, but it’s difficult to blame him for that. They had 11 players on the entire roster, so Metivier had to play quarterback, middle linebacker and punter. He wasn’t exactly good at any of those positions, but he showed versatility. ... [In the following nine years], we don’t have any concrete evidence he’s improved in any one skill, but he’s grown like 9 inches and gained 60 lbs., so we assume he’s stronger and faster than he was as a 7th grader. ... I did see him playing football last month and he looked dominant, if a little winded, as he repeatedly stiff-armed and juked past his 11-year-old brother who prefers playing Red Dead Redemption over any physical activity. ... Promising football IQ — knows who won the 2007 Dick Butkus Award, among other sports trivia. ... He doesn’t really know the difference between an X, Y or Z receiver, nor does he know what a ‘pull guard’ does on a counter run, but that can be taught. If he can read and understand Frantz Fanon, the great postcolonial scholar, he can read and understand a basic Cover 2 defense. ... If given a chance to develop, and pumped with HGH, anabolic steroids, pain killers, toxic masculinity, more HGH, maybe some ADHD medication, and years of coaching, he could be worth a late round investment.”


“Sam Metivier is NOT an NFL-type athlete. He’s barely 6-feet tall, runs a 6.2 40-yard dash and has literally never bench pressed before. I heard from a coach that he last worked out three years ago — and that was just being on a stationary bike for like 20 minutes. ... He says he stays active by playing basketball, but he hasn’t even played that sport this month because of a ‘sprained knee.’ He said the injury was from a bad foul playing soccer, but every time we try to scout him, he’s either recovering from an injury or days away from sustaining another. He’s already had like three surgeries, has chronic back pain, numerous concussions, is allergic to most pain killers, has a history of shoulder and elbow tendinitis, and has bouts of insomnia. For being 22 years old, it’s sad that he looks fatigued if he has to do anything remotely active for more than 15 minutes. If playing FIFA at home was a sport, he’d be a decent prospect, but even then his back starts to hurt after 20 minutes if he’s not sitting properly. ... Absolutely terrible work ethic. Doesn’t respond well to authorities, especially cops and math teachers. His social media brings up more red flags than Nick Bosa’s, albeit on the opposite side of the political spectrum. ... It’s also worth mentioning, yet again, that he hasn’t played football since 7th grade. Sure he was a varsity-level pitcher in high school and showed that he can throw a bit, but he was easily the worst on his team and he hasn’t even thrown a ball in at least three years. ... Overall, his questionable work ethic, lack of athleticism, inexperience on the gridiron, communist sympathies and injury history are very concerning.”

Player Comparison

“Daniel Jones. Neither will ever develop into a starting quarterback, but at least Sam Metivier doesn’t have extensive game tape and advanced stats that show he’s doomed to mediocrity. Unlike Jones, there’s at least a chance that Metivier isn’t awful.”