I Hate Those Stupid Big Heads

Let's just get this out of the way right now- I am a crotchety old man. This likely comes as no surprise. I have been a crotchety old man for quite some time, even before I was old. I don't like holidays at all, I think widely practiced ceremonial nonsense like brides and grooms shoving cake in each others' faces is stupid (and a waste of perfectly good cake!), and I've never seen a costumed mascot who I didn't want to punch. And yes- I hate those stupid big head pictures that college students love so very much.

George Dohrmann wrote a really strong piece for Sports Illustrated about the rise of the big heads, but one particular quote struck me:

"The way it is now, it is more something people hold up to get on TV," Mongan says. "Like whatever broadcaster is calling the game, you hold up his head and the camera goes to you. Or, if your player scores, you hold up his head ... It is a little flattering that so many people copied us, but the true root of it now is different. I didn't see that happening."

This is precisely why I hate the damn things. This extends beyond the heads onto people who paint their faces, people who hold up signs, people who dress up in costumes... all of the things that serve little purpose other than drawing attention away from the game and onto any individual clown who can spell out a clever phrase using an E, an S, a P, and an N.

Obviously I'm not really the core demographic for these kinds of shenanigans. I'm not really a "constantly standing and screaming and chanting" type of fan. I'm more of a "sit nervously worrying and watching intently and then cheering when something awesome happens" type of fan. A student section full of me's would not be in the running for anyone's best student section (but it would always be full!). I'm a curmudgeon, I get that. But what if student-me is sitting behind a sign waving dude in a green man suit and a cape? Ugh. I first noticed the phenomenon when watching pro wrestling, when roughly half of the crowd had some dumb sign and the other half couldn't see a goddamn thing.

So in closing, the Big Heads have jumped the shark. They are not for distracting shooters any more. So let us dispense with such childish things, and retire the Big Heads. Now let's all flame me... in the comments!

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