FanPost

The Offtopic- What's The Worst Big 12 Town?

Sarah Glenn

I've been to every stupid crap hole in the Big 12, so I feel like I can answer this definitively. you might have a different opinion, but just know that your opinion is stupid and wrong. We'll get to that. But first, the Pac 12. I've been to almost half of the Pac 12, so for now we'll ignore Corvallis, Pullman, Seattle (this year maybe!), Tucson, and Salt Lake City.

  1. Cal
  2. Stanford
  3. Ucla
  4. USC
  5. Arizona State

Cal is #1 not because it's great. It isn't. But it's convenient to San Francisco via BART. That's what's great. The stadium was a piece of crap when I was there, although they've dumped a debilitating amount of money into it's improvement, and we got blown out. I hate their stupid cannon. BUT, a quick train ride back to the city puts you into good proximity to strong margaritas and other assorted sundries. The Friday before the game you can go to the Gold Club for a free buffet lunch and mediocre strippers. What else do you want? Stanford is only #2 because it's actually pretty far from San Francisco. In actuality, it's a much better game day experience than Cal. The tailgating is phenomenal, probably the best I've ever experienced. The stadium is also very nice. But you have to drive to get there, and that is unpleasant. Ucla is better than USC because their fans are much more friendly, and USC is, frankly, in a not very nice neighborhood. Both places are a pain to get into and out of. Arizona State has incredibly attractive women and not much else. The stadium sucks. It's hot as hell. The end. I was lucky enough to convince a lady of questionable decision making to bed me prior to the game, but she didn't have AC and we were on a twin bed. It was not good.. Therefore they are the worst. NOW, on to the point of this dumb article!

  1. Texas
  2. Missouri
  3. Kansas
  4. Texas Tech
  5. Kansas State
  6. Oklahoma
  7. Oklahoma State
  8. Iowa State
  9. Baylor

Austin is a big strong duh. Columbia and Lawrence are both underrated as college towns, and I gave a slight edge to Columbia despite Lawrence having more attractive women. And yeah, I put Lubbock at 4. This is mostly a "best of the worst" option, but I started college at Tech. To be honest, Lubbock is pretty damn racist, but they had a bar with 50 cent pitchers of beer that gave zero cares to your age, and absolutely gorgeous women. They had a college of home economics. Most of the women there were working towards their Mrs. degree so they went full hair and makeup, even for 8 AM classes (I assume. I avoided those like the plague). Manhattan gets the #4 slot because @CUGoose married a lady from there and it was a destination on The Great Food Truck Race last season. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Honestly, it's pretty slim pickings after Lawrence. Similarly, Oklahoma gets the nod at 6 because that's where Woods went to school, but they haven't had any Food Network shows go there as far as I know. Then we get to Stillwater, which is a city no one could possibly care about. The last two, Ames, IA and Waco, TX are just the worst. Ames gets the nod because there is better drinking. Waco combines religious fundamentalism (they weren't allowed to dance until like the 90's) and horrible backwoods rednecks (my first roommate was from Waco. I made a joke that now that we were in college we could date 15 year old high school girls. He responded that his girlfriend was a 15 year old high school girl. We didn't last long) to create the world's most depressing city. Also, it's not even a small college town atmosphere. If you're going to be a crap place to visit, at least be a small crap place to visit. Waco is a giant pile of concrete, weeds, and chromosomally deficient citizens that create the country's worst place. Also, Brady Heslip.
(YES I FORGOT THAT MISSOURI MOVED TO THE SEC. BUT I WAS TOO FAR INTO THE WEEDS TO FIX THE ARTICLE. ALSO I AM VERY LAZY)

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