Big Break Mexico, Transfers, and Movies - It's the Offtopic!

"I think I hit a bird"

Welcome back to The Offtopic, your definitive source for all things Big Break Mexico! I mean, probably; I'm not going to look it up or anything. In preparation for this week's episode, I played golf and made it through three holes before giving up on keeping score. I also managed to completely whiff once with my driver. I am terrible at golf, is the point.

When last we left you, we were waiting to see who from Team Aztec would be eliminated. At least I thought. But starting out, there's another challenge, not an elimination. So obviously I don't understand the rules. This challenge is trying to go up and down (which is golf for an approach shot followed by a made putt). I wonder if these guys hear the "nice on" from Wii Golf like I do when they successfully chip it onto the green. Chad is first up, from 40 yards. Next is Emily! trying from 50 yards. She um, does not do as well as Chad. She is not pleased and comments, "you're hitting a half wedge under that kind of pressure? What was I thinking?" I honestly have no idea what that means, and thus cannot comment on what she was potentially thinking. Jason follows, but ends up even farther away than Emily. Chad knocks down his putt, earning 40 points for Team Maya. Jason gets VERY mad at Emily for walking across his line. This is a thing that is annoying about golf- learning all of the boring etiquette things like sticking up your pinkie when you drink your tea. But honestly, if this was real golf, Jason would've putted first so QUIT YOUR DAMN WHINING, YOU BIG BABY. Jason successfully gets in her head, but he's not going to make this anyway. It's not because of your stupid line, Jason- it's because you were 30 feet from the hole.

The next round is Lindsey, Taylor, and McKenzie. Lindsey has an AMAZING pink, black, and white checkered skirt, which helps her get 15 points for Team Olmec. McKenzie: "I think I'm a great putter." So then of course she misses the putt. Taylor missed also. Liebelei doesn't do a very good job, but Stephanie does. Rob misses too. This is very anticlimactic. Jay gets within 5 feet from 65 yards, like a jerk. Brent doesn't even get it on the green, so he gets nothing. Matthew is on the fringe, so he's probably toast, too. Jay knocks his putt down, which means Aztec loses regardless of Matthew's putt. But can Brent chip in from the rough?!?!

No, of course not. That's absurd. We move on to another challenge, which is golf blackjack. You have to aim at different zones with designated points, and try to get as close to 21 as possible. McKenzie gets a 6, which if you play blackjack, you know is not good. But Rob gets a 5 to move up to 11. Save for Rob! But hero becomes goat as he misses the green entirely shooting for the jack. Stephanie gets an ace, Lindsey gets an ace, Lindsey gets another ace, this would be great if it were real blackjack and split all these aces. Stephanie gets a 6 and should quit. But these are girls and girls are terrible at cards, so they actually have a decision to make even though they already won. COMMERCIAL BREAK (for Miller 64, which no one who plays golf will ever drink).

PHEW, they decide to stick on 19. Oh, I guess they didn't know how the other team did. Either way, you always stick on 19. Next up is Jason and Brent vs. Emily and the other beard guy. Matthew maybe. Jason makes a terrible shot, but is trying to bluff. Brent follows with an ace. This is set up all wrong. Everyone knows that the most common card value is a ten, but the easiest card to hit is the ace. These people know nothing about blackjack. Also one of these challenges should be mini golf, but I digress. Matthew gets a 6, Emily gets an ace, and then Matthew gets a jack. Emily gets another ace. Let's see how good Jason was at bluffing... very good, as they take another shot and get another ace. Then Emily takes ANOTHER shot. We need to give her some card lessons. Aztec busts and lose to Olmec and there grand total of one. So now it's time for another strike challenge. I'm sorry- Macanudo Strike Challenge. It's 3 holes of alternating stroke play. I don't know what that means either. It's Jason and Lindsey vs. Emily and Matthew. Emily and Lindsey both start with strong tee shots. Jason follows with a shot onto the green. Nice On. Oh, I guess it's Rob, not Matthew. Whatever who cares. He ends up just short of the green, and Emily hits a little baby chip to within 6 feet. Lindsey can't nail her putt, but Jason does for par. Rob misses his putt, which means no par Aztec is down a stroke and a half. It's a team effort, but it was all Rob's fault. Dumb Rob.

Jason and Rob both end up in decent but not great spots. Emily has 75 yards to the hole from the rough and hits a great shot. It hit the flag but then bounced away a little. Lindsey is 67 yards out but doesn't do as good a job as Emily. Don't worry Lindsey, I still love you. Jason misses his putt, Lindsey knocks it down. Rob has to make this putt realistically for any shot, which of course he doesn't. Oof- Emily misses hers as well, which means Aztec is down 2 and a half strokes with one par 3 left to play. That's not very good. Olmec could get a par, Aztec could get a hole in one, and Aztec would still lose. Emily and Lindsey both have good tee shots. Rob is 2 feet from the hole, Jason is 5 feet from the hole, but c'mon- Olmec hits the putt and wins the challenge which means another strike against Aztec. Don't cry Emily, you still get to live in Boulder and not Florida! (Emily is crying). And that's the end of the episode! Does anyone ever get eliminated on this show? It would appear not. We'll see you next week.

UPDATE: Here's a Q&A with Emily from the Symetra Tour website

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So the news is out that we've acquired another JC QB. This one is called Jordan Gehrke, and he is from a school I've never heard of and has stats I don't care about. He's not tall, not big, not fast, and doesn't have a strong arm. Hooray! I assume that he's a replacement for Webb, except that he's got 4 years to play 3, so that's a lot longer to burn a scholarship. He doesn't really preovide "experience" because he only played 1 year at a junior college. Personally, I think that Dillon's year on the scout team is more valuable than a year at a JC, but that's just me.

It brings me to think, though, about the nature of transfers. I've got to think that it's become something of a self fulfilling prophesy. Nick Hirschman transferred to Akron. When he came in, he was behind Tyler Hansen. Since then, we've brought in Brent Burnette, Connor Wood, and Jordan Webb in addition to the freshman recruits. Given the situation, I'm not sure that I'd feel any loyalty to the program either. He was recruited by one coach, had a second coach try to recruit over him, and had a third coach flirt with a JC QB who wasn't particularly impressive (Fishback). Of COURSE he would look to transfer. Schrock is a walk on, and Dorman seems to be accepting his free education in return for his family's ties to McCartney, but I don't blame anyone else for moving on if we're going to continue to bring in transfers.

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This week, we have TWO movie reviews! First up, I saw Star Trek Into Darkness, which I enjoyed. I didn't see the first one and never saw any of the series or earlier movies (except that one with the whales), but I'm familiar enough with the characters that it wasn't a problem. There was a scene that was SPOILER ALERT MAYBE eerily reminiscent of the Boston Marathon bombings, which was kind of weird. After that it was a bunch of laser blasts and punching. I'm pretty much over the whole superhero movie thing, so this was a nice, mindless summer popcorn flick that didn't have anyone with a cape. If you care to wade through the credits, you might notice that Bill Hader is listed under "extra voices" which seems kind of random. Also, I highly recommend watching it as I did- at an AMC Dine In theater. They're 21 and up, so there are no kids, they serve beer, and everyone gets their own lazy boy recliner. Success! B

Next, I went and saw the exact opposite of a big flashy summer blockbuster - Black Rock, an indie movie written by The League star Mark Duplass and directed by his wife and also The League star Katie Aselton. It is not at all like The League. It's basically Deliverance, except with chicks instead of Burt Reynolds. Aselton, Kate Bosworth, and Lake Bell are 3 friends who go camping on an island, meet some guys who are just back from the war, and are then menaced by them for the next hour. That's pretty much the whole movie. There was nothing mind blowing about it, no crazy plot twists, and dialogue that was nothing special, but it was entertaining and the performances were top notch. Duplass did manage to write in a scene where Aselton and Bell are forced to take off all of their clothes and be naked for a while (because of hypothermia or something), which was unnecessary but very much appreciated. It also seems like a weird thing a creepy screenwriter/ director would write in an attempt to see naked ladies he would not otherwise have the privilege of seeing, rather than a husband writing for his wife. Hey, whatever floats your boat, man, and thanks. Overall it was a good case study of what a film can be with no money and good acting. If you fancy, it is available On Demand and through iTunes, because unless you live by me, it's probably not in a theater near you. C+

UPDATE: Here's an interview with Katie Aselton from the AV Club

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